Hobo Meets Pipe, Act II

It's a couple minutes after 3PM and I have only done about twenty minutes of actual work today, so it's been slow. I used this time to go out to Best Buy and pick up Condemned 2: Bloodshot, which was released today, and while I'm waiting for the clock to roll over to quittin' time I've been looking through the manual. I love the original game, I think it's one of the most unique and enjoyable first-person games released in recent memory, but I never bothered to look through the manual. I have some problems with this one.

The very first line in the introduction, which comes immediately after the table of contents, is "The life of a street drunk is hell." I imagine there are some problems with that, sure, but hell? I don't think I'd go that far unless the streets you're stumbling around on happen to be in Baghdad.

"Fortunately, many enemies you'll encounter are simple street thugs without a lot of talent." Talent is an odd choice of a word, when I think of a street thug without talent I think more along the lines of 50 Cent, not someone that's bad at throwing bricks.

"Dispatching these miscreants isn't too tough..." Again, with the wording, it almost sounds like we've shifted into a Dickens story. These ruffians will soon know the harsh impact of a metal fixture upon their skulls!

Under the Firearms section, "Note that Ethan has the D.T. shakes, and may need a little pick-me-up to steel his aim." What. Are you serious? That's a hell of a gameplay mechanic, I thought it was supposed to work the other way around. I'll have to remember to bring a six pack when we hit the range, it's like a power-up.

"Zap friend or foe and watch him vibrate--then take his weapon and beat him silly with it." In a game where people are being murdered left and right, bludgeoned to death with baseball bats and sledgehammers, "beat him silly" just doesn't seem to fit. It makes it sound like you'll follow it up with a cream pie and a bottle of seltzer.

"You will only find these one- and two-handed specialty weapons in certain missions, but they are absolutely devastating when used properly. Examples include a prosthetic arm, deer antler and gumball machine."

Okay, that last one actually sounds kind of awesome.

-K.