Kyle's Passive-Aggressive Moving Company

One of the reasons I was more than happy to escape the clutches of retail was so I wouldn't have to suffer the indignities of cleaning up after assholes, children and sometimes assholes and their children or ridiculous customers who demand I give them discounts based on coupons they left at home or countless other examples. There are times, though, albeit rarely, that compare to the soul-crushing experiences of Spencer's Gifts.
My mornings here usually consist of a couple offices moves; Disconnecting an employee's system, moving to their new office, and hooking it up again. Occasionally, when there's a combination of Building Services not being included in the move and the employee has some small stuff they would like to transport, I agree to take it for them. Today I had a fellow who had me carry the entire contents of his former cubicle. It began with him asking me if I could take a couple books, then he also asked if I could take two small bean bags, then he began putting more crap on my cart without asking. I use the word crap very deliberately because it included:

• An empty jar of Planter's peanuts
• A handful of thumbtacks
• $0.08 (One nickel and three pennies)
• His empty satchel, which I assume he carried in himself
• Two pink balloons
• ...Two pink balloons

It took a little talking to persuade him to carry his small dry-erase board himself, as I needed the bottom shelf to move the system next door, belonging to an employee who had not yet made it in today. As I unplugged the system the fellow I was with made the remark "He can come get his other stuff later," and thankfully departed. As I made my way to the elevator one of the aforementioned pink balloons blew off my cart and down the hall, propelled on its path by a mysterious force, and I had to chase it. I had to chase a pink balloon down the hallway of an office building for a man who has me carrying, effectively, garbage. If I had a list of things I wanted to do in life before the end, chasing a pink balloon in front of other adults would not be one of them, in fact if I had a list of things I had done in my life I want to erase that would be one of them.

-K.