Hyperbole Bowl '08

In the beginning, long ago, over a hundred years ago, man discovered fire. Not long after someone smoothed the edges on some rock and created the wheel, and that inevitably led to the automobile, telephone and garbage disposal. There were giant cities and English was the first language created. These were all lost for centuries only to be reinvented much later. I am using The Flintstones and 10,000 B.C. for my basis of ancient history so bear with me. There were great big wars and tiny little dictators, explorers and artists, scientists and philosophers, inventors and visionaries. In the last century alone the world united to fight a great evil and The Pissing Match to End All Pissing Matches between Russia and the US actually produced some great strides in space travel and exploration. But we still haven't had a man or Mars or constructed a moon base. And no flying cars. Sigh. At any rate, all of this has only been build-up to April 2008, when Rockstar released Grand Theft Auto IV for the XBox 360 and PlayStation 3.

The midnight sale at Best Buy was not as horrible as I was anticipating, but only natural that it took place with near freezing temperatures. I left roughly an hour early for the Best Buy down the street and when I showed up I was about the 15th or 16th person in line, nicely wedged between a mute and a group of high school seniors that called each other faggots a little too much, but both parties left me alone, so that worked for me. The group to my right kept going on about how much Best Buy sucks and that they're the greediest and most evil company ever but I guess that didn't stop them from making their purchase there. Thankfully the store split those with pre-orders into a different line and we were allowed in first, I jumped to being the eighth person in line, so I'm glad I pre-ordered. I was able to get through and get my copy fairly quickly, and when I left the line extended down the side of the building and around the corner.

I was surprised overhearing quite a few people saying they were getting the PS3 version, also disturbed at overhearing those same people call themselves "Sony loyalists." I also heard someone talking about how the multiplayer in San Andreas was stupid, really stupid, just plain stupid and not good and stupid. He was referring to the user-made Mutli-Theft Auto multiplayer mod, which this fellow believed to be something Rockstar produced themselves, but I know that as a stranger, a role I prefer in these situations, attempting to correct such misinformation would probably result in heckling or beatings. These kinds of events are also eye-opening, in a way, because it gives another harsh reminder that I am unlike most of my other gaming peers. I was hyped for the game, like everyone else, but what I was looking forward to were the new mechanics at work; the cover system that makes firefights more tactical and intense, the Euphoria physics and animation engine that is really impressive, the turn to creating a darker, serious storyline with deeper, complex characters. I already know that by not being someone that calls everyone he plays against online niggers or faggots it puts me in a minority group, but further still when, after a cop car rolled by, checking out the line, someone near me remarked "I can't wait to blow up your car in the game," I am in an even smaller demographic. Which is why I have to applaud Rockstar for creating this extremely polished and refined game that may well go unappreciated by a large number of the game's players, because they probably could just create the city, puts some guns in it and not bother with anything else and I'm sure it would still sell really well.

I'm a few hours into the main story, balancing that between checking out the city and doing random stuff (I've spent an obscene amount of time at one of the game's bowling alleys), as well as giving the game's various online modes a try, which all have been a blast. I'm sure I'll be going into greater detail later on, but my early impressions so far is that it's really awesome.

-K.